Meet Sue - the Kenyan prostitute building a brand

When Sex is No Longer Sin

I just came across a blog supposedly written by Sue, a prostitute working on Koinange Street: Nairobi Nights. It has well-written and entertaining stories about a working girl in Nairobi. The stories are well written and quite entertaining.


"My name is Sue. I practice along Koinange Street, Nairobi. These are thoughts, observations and experiences from my prostitution world. Nothing of the soft, sympathy seeking topsy turvy kind. But straight talk, hard facts and real anecdotes. They are worth something."

The sexy 'girl' has already written 10 episodes so far, including blog posts with exciting titles such as "The Spiritual Role Of A Prostitute", "When Sex Is No Longer Sin", "Let The Pee Flow", "Why Should I Not Open My Legs?" and "I can't Feel Your Thing".

In her latest post, she refers to one of her teachers in high school who came up with an interesting metaphor, comparing a girl to a tin of cocoa:


"A female teacher in the mixed boarding school that I attended used to compare us girls to a tin of cocoa; you remember the one which had a foil inside. "The first time you let a man touch your breasts or private parts, then you have opened the lid. The moment you lose your virginity, the foil is gone. After that, every time you have sex, the cocoa gets depleted. If you are not careful the rightful owner will find there is nothing left for him". At the face of it, it was a polite way to dissuade us from adolescence sex, but a little deeper it implied we girls didn't really belong to ourselves but to some man somewhere, who was supposed to have all the cocoa. Our role in society it seemed was to prepare for this man."


And in another recent post, Sue writes:


"Our value decreases as your experience increases. Quoting five years experience is a turn off. Many a girl gets to prostitution telling themselves they wont do it for more than a few months, maybe six, save some money, start a business , hit it big in some way or get a 'proper' job. But a year goes and another still on the street. The optimal experience is about a year; when one is no longer surprised by the antics of men and all the inhibitions are gone. After a year there is a plateau and then the downward curve starts."

What do you think of this new Kenyan blog? Is it written by a 'ghost writer'? Is it polluting our blogging landscape? Or is it a nice addition to the scene?Source URL: https://pussyhotnaked.blogspot.com/search/label/funny
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My Blackberry is not working

Are you craving for an Apple?

Kenya has been having a special relation with the United Kingdom since colonial times. We share part of our history, a bit of friendship and some political, economic, commercial & cultural interests. Well, and sometimes I wish the Brits could colonize us again. Not for everything British, but at least for a few nice things. I don't want to learn anything about their bad cooking, but I love their dry sense of humor for instance.

This “fruity” video from The One Ronnie starring Ronnie Corbett and Harry Enfield is just hilarious. These guys jokingly take on the tech industry's obsession with fruits like Blackberry, Orange and Apple, and throw in a few brilliant Microsoft comments as well.

Check it out below:



Oh, I just love that last one about the eggsbox 3,60. And you, do you enjoy such British humor?Source URL: https://pussyhotnaked.blogspot.com/search/label/funny
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Swazi Minister fired for screwing King Mswati's wife

Ndumiso Mamba hiding in the bed



Queen Nothando Dube

King Mswati III of Swaziland has fired his Minister of Justice, Ndumiso Mamba, after he was caught having an affair with one of the King’s most beautiful wives, 22-year-old Nothando Dube, who is a former Miss Teen Swaziland.



Photographs of a startled Ndumiso Mamba hiding in the base of a bed of Royal Villas Hotel emerged online.

According to reports, Queen Nothando Dube over the past few weeks dressed up like a soldier to get past security guards to sneak out of the palace and meet her lover.




Ndumiso Mamba was caught!


It is expected that Queen Nothando Dube will spend the rest of her life under 24-hour surveillance.

King Mswati III, who has at least 23 children and is Africa’s last absolute monarch, famously selects a new wife at a reed dance where up to 100,000 women are paraded in front of him. Our own Kenyan President Mwai Kibaki has only one wife and her name is Lucy.

And, as Thekimutai was telling me on Twitter: if this was Kenya.... Kalonzo na Roocy. Ai!Source URL: https://pussyhotnaked.blogspot.com/search/label/funny
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Kenya Census: There are 20 camels in Nairobi

Camels having sex. One hump or two humps?

The results of Kenya's 2009 census were finally released this week. There were 38,610,097 people in Kenya, according to the official 2009 population census figures. We are now more than 39 million and counting, since two Kenyan children are born every minute.

Interestingly, the census also revealed there are 20 camels in Nairobi. What are these camels doing in Nairobi? My best guess is that there may be a few at Mamba Village or at Splash Waterworld; as well as some 'roaming' ones which can be hired for birthday and other parties.





Camels can be used for multiple purposes

There are about 3 million camels in Kenya, which shows the importance of the animal to Kenyans. In Nairobi's Eistleigh estate, business is brisk in camel meat and milk. Vital Camel Milk in Nanyuki is the world's first dairy plant which processes camel milk and value added products as health food. Regular camel milk consumption contributes to an optimum diabetes management. Camel milk has positive effects in controlling high blood pressure and helps in the management of arteriosclerosis and osteoporosis. Camel milk contains potent anti-bacterial and anti-viral factors. Recovery from infectious desease (e.g. tuberculosis) is significantly faster in patients consuming camel milk regularly.

Camels are also being used as solar-powered mobile health clinics, mobile libraries and mobile schools. In those parts of Kenya worst affected by persistent droughts, the next generation of pastoralists is growing up with a greater understanding of the camel's role. Efforts to introduce school children to camel-keeping are going well. With camels on the curriculum, and kept within the school grounds, pupils learn camel care and how best to hygienically collect, process and market the milk. And yes, nowadays you can even go on a camel safari.





A textbook cameltoe

And have you ever heard about the term cameltoe?

Cameltoe is a slang term that refers to the outline of a human female's labia majora seen through tight clothes.





Rihanna's cameltoe

The causes of cameltoe are not always obvious. Cameltoe commonly occurs as a result of wearing tight fitting clothes, such as jeans, shorts, hotpants, or swim wear. Due to a combination of anatomical factors, the snugness of the fabric in the region surrounding the cleft of venus may result in the area of the crotch taking on the appearance of the forefoot of a camel or other even-toed ungulate. However, some fashion analysts have also identified clothing design as a cause, rather than its size. Cameltoe may thus be exacerbated by jeans or other garments with a tight central seam that serves to divide the labia majora.

And last but not least, here's the presentation of the census results, including all the figures on camels:
Kenyan Population and Housing Census Source URL: https://pussyhotnaked.blogspot.com/search/label/funny
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All naked and nude, stripped to the bone, X-rayted

Whenever I am featuring beautiful girls like Janet Mbugua, Diondra Bridges, @Queen_Lucky or Anne Kiguta on this fabulous blog, I get heaps of requests to show more of these girls by actually showing less.


Showing less? Well, this is not a porn site, so I have something else for you. Today we are going all naked and nude. Today our girls are baring it all. They are stripped to the bone. The “EIZO: Pin-up Calendar 2010” is really particular. This pin-up calendar offers you more than the usual integral nude: X-rayted girls literally! Eizo is a brand of medical supplies and their campaign is just awesome. The German advertising agency Butter put together the sexy calendar to promote Eizo's high-precision displays for medical imaging. Quite original. EIZO explains: “Whereas craftsmen are showered with pin-up-calendars at the end of every year, this kind of present is less popular among medics. EIZO breaks this taboo. This pin-up calendar shows absolutely every detail.”


How do you rate this calendar? Is it over the top? Is this actually sexy? Or is it cold? Does it offer less opportunities for Photoshopping boring pin-ups? Would you like to feature on such a calendar for Kenya?


One reader on Ads of the World commented: "Someone at EZIO should suggest the model have a spinal check-up as her lumbar spine is hypomobile and it appears there is some anterior spur formation between L5-S1. She would be appreciative in being able to handle things before they become symptomatic." What's your take on this?
Source URL: https://pussyhotnaked.blogspot.com/search/label/funny
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True Love is back, better than ever, now with the Elephant position

A few days after the extremely sweet and intelligent Kenyan blogger Kellie complained about the magazine True Love not living up to her high sexual expectations, the publisher (East African Magazines - EAM) folded. Kellie - the gorgeous 'innocent babe seeking education wherever she can find it where bedroom matters are concerned' - bought a copy of True Love because of the fabulously headlined article: ‘Don’t try this at home! Lessons from couples who get the sex right’, only for her hopes to be totally crushed when she read the full article ("the article read like something written by church people to teach the unmarried youth about sex"). Now, everybody should know that you better don't get an influential blogger like Kellie against you. So this disappointment also meant the end of True Love. RIP.

Kenyans are now looking for alternative sources of information. So there is this popular video on YouTube - filmed in Kenya - which I highly recommend:



Yes, yes, I do know mine is bigger than that. And I do know mine is not S-shaped like that. So it may not be very relevant to my own sexual escapades. But still, I think that watching this elephant clip (and listening to the hilarious comments by the lady watching all this) is actually a very good alternative to reading True Love. Or not?

The good news is also that the 'Elephant position' is part of the Kama Sutra. The Elephant position is similar to the too widely known and practiced doggie style, except that the woman lies flat or almost flat on her stomach as a start.

Read on if you really want to know more about the 'Elephant position', as I will explain it in 4 easy steps. Leave now if you don't need to know more about it.

Step 1
Lay with your face down on the bed or other surface, resting your forehead, forearms and breasts on the surface while raising your hips and buttocks high. Have Rafiki sit upon his bent knees, guiding his lingam (penis) into your yoni (vagina) and have him hold you firmly at the hips, rocking in the sexual congress of the Elephant position known as 'Aibha'. Rafiki may vary this position slightly by wrapping his arms around your waist, stimulating your clitoris as he performs Aibha.

Step 2
Lift your body so that you are pushing yourself up with your palms while Rafiki remains inside of you.

Step 3
Bend your legs at the knees, allowing Rafiki to grip your ankles and arch your back. Rafiki should slide his knees slightly between your spread legs, pushing with a sharp upward motion in this Elephant position called 'Hastika'.

Step 4
Adjust your body so that you are laying on your side with your knees bent as Rafiki enters you from behind to perform the Elephant position 'Nagabandha'. Rafiki should slide one hand between your legs, stimulating your clitoris as he works the position, and bring you to sexual bliss.

Amen!Source URL: https://pussyhotnaked.blogspot.com/search/label/funny
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The Placenta Party of Kenya - and a new national dish

Esther Arunga and Joseph Hellon held another press conference and revealed just how insane they are.

Their Political Party is called the Placenta Party of Kenya because according to Hellon the country is in a ‘gestation period’. And the party tag line is ‘taking back Kenya… change we can count on.’ You can see how Esther and Hellon announced their perverse political party in the video below:





Placenta, the new national dish of the Republic of Kenya?
Oh my God, what a name for a party, the Placenta Party of Kenya! If Hellon becomes President, we may have to abandon our nyama choma (roasted meat) and adopt a new national dish: the placenta. Yes, it is a dish! On this blog, a man goes into major about cooking up the placenta from a recent pregnancy and making a gourmet dinner party out of it. Check out the photos at your own discretion. I'm not easily shocked, but a normal person probably would be.

Eating the placenta is known as placentophagy. It is practiced by most mammals in the animal world, including many primates. Are you a primate as well?

Those who advocate placentophagy in humans, mostly in modern America and Europe, Mexico, Hawaii, China, and the Pacific Islands, believe that eating the placenta prevents postpartum depression and other pregnancy complications. A variety of recipes are known to exist for preparing placenta for eating in spite of the extended taboo against eating human body parts. Human placenta has also been an ingredient in some traditional Chinese medicines.

Almost convinced? Hellon will get your vote in 2012? So you better get used to cooking placenta by watching the short video.



Any suggestions for ways of localizing this disgusting practice in Kenya?Source URL: https://pussyhotnaked.blogspot.com/search/label/funny
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No check no check - Up to 8 hours long

Always is Kenya’s most popular brand of sanitary pads. And it seems to gain even more popularity now through a very appealing advertisement. The ad opens in a girls school as they are having class. One of the girls takes a roll of tissue paper out of her desk and would like to check something... Let's have a look:





Wow, what an upbeat tune and a nicely choreographed dance, very well done! Some of the local television stations here in Kenya are playing the clip a bit too often, but it is still not too boring. And if you're really a fan of the music, you can even download the ringtone for free from here. Just imagine your phone going off with that ringtone... I check I check.

"Up to 8 hours, no check no stain".
I am supporting a cousin of mine who is in high school. Apart from school fees, I have to give her money for all kinds of other things, including sanitary pads. Now she's telling me that the slogan of "8 hours long" is not really correct and I have to double her allocation for sanitary pads from 12 pads per month (4 days x 3 pads/day at a rate of 8 hours per pad) to 24 pads per month. Superior feminine protection for eight hours? Maybe not always? So ladies, I need some help here. Is my cousin's demand still reasonable even now that we have the 8 hours pads available, or is my cousin just trying to rip me off?Source URL: https://pussyhotnaked.blogspot.com/search/label/funny
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YouTube: What The World Watched and Searched for on YouTube in 2009

I just discovered this interesting post: YouTube Blog: What You Watched and Searched for on YouTube in 2009

2009 has been the biggest yet for online video, and thanks to our better Internet connections in Kenya, we are now also able to feel part of this. For the first time YouTube is sharing its official Most Watched lists. For these lists, YouTube looked at view counts of YouTube's most popular videos this year. There is no specific list for Kenya yet (something I hope YouTube will take on in 2010), but here is the global list:

Most Watched YouTube videos (Global):
1. Susan Boyle - Britain's Got Talent (120+ million views)
2. David After Dentist (37+ million views)
3. JK Wedding Entrance Dance (33+ million views)
4. New Moon Movie Trailer (31+ million views)
5. Evian Roller Babies (27+ million views)

Well, I am not a big fan of Susan Boyle (no. 1), but I love water and babies, so the Evian Roller Babies (no. 5) is my favorite one on this list.



And you, did you watch any of these top five videos in 2009? If not, where have you been?
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Out-of-Office Autoreply: I May Be Promoted to Management

It's that time of the year again when most Kenyans are planning for their long end-of-year holidays, so we need to think about what contingency plans we can put in place for the time we are out of the office. An out-of-office autoreply for our e-mails is one approach and here are some nice ideas I came across:

1. You are receiving this automatic notification because I am out of the office. If I was in, chances are you wouldn't have received anything at all.
2. Sorry to have missed you but I am at Kenyatta National Hospital having my brain removed so that I may be promoted to management.
3. I will be unable to delete all the unread, worthless emails you send me until I return from vacation on 4th of January 2010. Please be patient and your email will be deleted in the order it was received.
4. The e-mail server is unable to verify your server connection and is unable to deliver this message. Please restart your computer and try sending again. (The beauty of this onethat when you return, you can see how many people did this over and over).
5. I will be out of the office for the next 2 weeks for medical reasons. When I return, please refer to me as "Wairimu" instead of "Njoroge".
So, which one should I put? (please don't vote for number five)
And what are you going to put as your out-of-office autoreply?Source URL: https://pussyhotnaked.blogspot.com/search/label/funny
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Sexy veggies

Yes, I know we have all been enjoying plenty of nyama choma parties after I revealed this innovation. But, now it turns out that all the roasted meat is not good for you after all. Research has discovered two cancer-causing (carcinogenic) byproducts associated with barbecuing red meat, poultry, lamb, pork, and fish.


So, I am becoming a vegetarian (for one week). No meat, and more fruits, nuts and veggies. Cool, not? It's easy in Kenya, we have so many good fruits and veggies readily available here, even organic ones. Companies like Green Dreams produce fresh vegetables and fruits in an organic way and have a passion for healthy living.

What, you find fruits and veggies boring? Have a look at this picture then:





Yes indeed, tomatoes are good for you! Tomatoes contain awesome amounts of lycopene, thought to have the highest antioxidant activity of all the carotenoids.

And what about this PETA ad which features a bevy of beauties who are powerless to resist the temptation of veggie love? It was deemed too hot for the Super Bowl. NBC rejected the video because of concerns over a woman "licking pumpkin, touching her breast with her hand while eating broccoli, pumpkin from behind between legs, rubbing pelvic region with pumpkin, screwing herself with broccoli (fuzzy), asparagus on her lap appearing as if it is ready to be inserted into vagina, licking eggplant, and rubbing asparagus on breast..."





'Veggie Love': PETA's Banned Super Bowl Ad


The video got me interested in doing some practical research into this myth or fact that vegetarians make better lovers. So I am trying it out this week, starting tomorrow.

Am not sure though whether I would need to have a vegetarian partner for maximum effect... Anyone out there who has tried this out at home? Please leave your comment.Source URL: https://pussyhotnaked.blogspot.com/search/label/funny
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Kenya's Next Top Model - 2012 season

Kenya's Next Top Model is a reality television show in which a number of people compete for the title of Kenya's Next Top Model and a chance to start their career in the modeling industry.

Here's the line-up for the 2012 season:





It looks like this may become a disappointing season. What do you think?Source URL: https://pussyhotnaked.blogspot.com/search/label/funny
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Nyama choma - with compliments from Nakumatt

The standard blow-out feast for most Kenyans is a huge pile of nyama choma (roast meat). And sometimes you just get a craving for some nice nyama choma, but you don't have the right equipment readily available, so you have to become innovative:





Innovation courtesy of Nakumatt. Note that the trolley was not destroyed in this case.

Would this work with an Uchumi trolley as well? Please share your experiences!Source URL: https://pussyhotnaked.blogspot.com/search/label/funny
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Our ladies are oh so special !

Ladies, you don't need a man that drives an X6, M3, Land Rover, Mercedes or Hummer to feel special...

This is simply Africa where anything is possible!






Thank you very much for your attention.
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Men embrace bras; women abandon them

What is happening to this world? Did somebody just turn it upside down? Men are now embracing bras, yet women are abandoning them.



Yes, you read that right, now there are bras for men. The male bra has taken Japan by storm. While women can chose between sizes and cups, the stronger gender is pleased with only cup A, but the bras come in various chest sizes ranging from 32ins to a busty 38ins. Men who wear the male bra - which come in a variety of colours including black, white and... pink - have become known as “Bra men”. Mostly businessmen between 30 and 40 purchase male bras in order to shed off stress.

And the ladies? They don't seem to need their bras anymore. Earlier this week, Britney Spears was spotted with her two sons visiting the Eiffel Tower in Paris. What was not spotted though, is her bra. Now, she has never been a fan of bras anyway. Despite reports that she has gone back to junk-food, Britney appeared healthy and glowing.

What about you? What's your preference? Do you need a bra or would you rather go bra-less? And then of course: are you male or female? What do you think of these new trends?Source URL: https://pussyhotnaked.blogspot.com/search/label/funny
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Facebook: What am I doing wrong?

Source URL: https://pussyhotnaked.blogspot.com/search/label/funny
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My wordles. Say that again. Your wor what?

Wordle is a toy for generating “word clouds” from text that you provide. The clouds give greater prominence to words that appear more frequently in the source text. You can tweak your clouds with different fonts, layouts, and color schemes. I used words from my Tweetstats to create the two Wordles below.







Which Wordle do you like the most? The first one or the second one? They are based on the same data, with a lot of @pinkm of course.

All images are attributed to http://www.wordle.net/Source URL: https://pussyhotnaked.blogspot.com/search/label/funny
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Oops, she did it again

During a performance last week, Britney Spears was caught on camera with something dangling between her legs. A closer look reveals that Alice Cooper was right: "Only women bleed" (Please note however that - contrary to what many listeners believe - this Alice Cooper song is not about menstruation, but about how women bleed from the heart, mind and soul).

At least it is only a tampon string this time, it could have been worse I would say...

Source URL: https://pussyhotnaked.blogspot.com/search/label/funny
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Some ideas for Aquamist, Dasani and Keringet

Bottled mineral water is expensive in Kenya. But I don't trust my tap water, so I usually buy mineral water. My favorite one is currently Aquamist, but if any of the other major brands like Dasani or Keringet could just come up with a good advertisement such as the one below, I'll easily be convinced. Sorry the voice is in some strange language, but I think the images make it clear.



Oops, I am very thirsty now, let me go and get some water...Source URL: https://pussyhotnaked.blogspot.com/search/label/funny
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Easter wishes

Be careful what you wish for this Easter, because you just might get more than you bargained for... Enjoy one of the most popular Benny Hill sketches.



Some people tell me that the sketch is actually anti-gay. I don't agree, it has many stereotypes anyway, and it is just extremely funny. What do you think?Source URL: https://pussyhotnaked.blogspot.com/search/label/funny
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